I go out. I do things. I see people. I still feel bad. I see new mommies everywhere. I see new babies everywhere. I see older new mommies everywhere. I feel like I am being stabbed in the stomach. I feel like I'm being punished for something but I don't know what. I know that I can get through it. But sometimes, like today, I wonder if it I am supposed to. My psych says that I'm thinking this way because I'm getting depressed... uh-huh... I know. I tell myself... I'm amazing... I have two beautiful children (unfortunately the youngest one died before he had a chance to be born!)... I have a caring loving husband... I have a healthy, smart, beautiful daughter... I'm talented... I'm strong... I'm smart.......... and I feel like I'm trying to brainwash myself. Why can't I just be happy with what I have? What is wrong with me?!?!